How to Keep Your Married Life Happy?

All married couples quarrel! We have seen our grandparents and parents do so and their marriages have lived through that. Differences of opinion can arise between any two people and it is not untoward when it arises between married couples. The only difference here is that unlike with siblings, or friends, this relationship is unique mainly because the partners expect a lot from each other. We generally easily forgive friends and relatives and get on with them, but with the spouse we expect perfection and forgiveness does not come easily!

Arguments are a way of settling differences and doing away with bias. It is always important to speak one’s mind and express what one expects of the partner. Having a difference of opinion and not expressing it can lead to frustrations and a breakdown of communication. At the same time arguing healthily about any point of difference is necessary, provided only, that the problem on hand is solved and a suitable solution reached. An argument that does not get settled is one open for trouble always.

Nevertheless certain important “rules” must be kept in mind while arguing or discussing and if this is followed diligently, the husband – wife relationship will have lesser problems.

1. Never bring in any other topic while arguing. If you do so, neither will the problem on hand be solved nor will the new one! Try to keep within boundaries of the current argument. One has the tendency to dig up old disputes and that is not the best thing to do.
2. Bringing in relatives and family is a big NO. Never bad mouth some innocent relative during your arguments – unless the relative has caused it! Leaving parents, siblings, friends out of the whole matter is sensible. Even if a difference of opinion has risen due to a third person, the people affected are husband and wife and it’s for them to decide how they will manage the situation so that THEIR interests are not affected. No one in the world can mess with their marital life if they know each other, their likes and dislikes and their boundaries. So, only the problem has to be solved. Remember, it’s the husband-wife relationship that is more important than all other relationships.
3. Try and be calm and understanding when settling your disputes. Calling each other bad names, being downright rude and hurtful, saying things that insult and demean are not good signs. These are things that cannot be forgotten and do not help ease the situation in any way. NEVER get physical. No matter what, hitting or striking the other person, is unforgiveable.
4. Definitely don’t argue before children or anyone else.
5. Try and keep the whole debate friendly and ensure that the dispute is solved amicably and the matter is buried after that.
6. NEVER talk about these debates to anyone else or involve others to participate in the arguments. The differences must be sorted out by the couple through talks and discussions.
7. An argument should not, as far as possible end with the husband and wife sleeping separately. Such small things can destroy a relationship.
8. Most importantly – learn to let go. Lose something in order to gain in the long run. Let go your ego or your insistence to stick to your point. Of course it is necessary to point out anything that is grossly wrong and might hurt the relationship. After pointing it out and maybe arguing over it, when you realise that it might just not be accepted, then any one of the partners will HAVE to let go and bury the point of dispute.

The husband-wife relationship is a very important one and the understanding between the two must be so great that arguments never come in at all. Mutual respect and trust must exist and when that does, one cannot act in a manner that can hurt the other leading to arguments. The differences, if any, must be very small ones and become insignificant as time passes. Sacrifices have to be made by both. It is absolutely necessary to keep communication channels open at all times. There must never be any hesitation, fear or insecurity to speak about matters that might pry on either party’s mind.

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